Un eu distinct

Imi place sa sparg bariere, sa incarc cu suflet umilinta si sa imi extind granitele ca niste aripi argintate cu universalitate si indraneala de a o lua vesnic de la capat de fiecare data cand am reusit un pas - mare sau mic; oricat de mic.

Identity crisis

To my friends who talk about identity.

I am Romanian. Like many of my Romanian friends, I don't live in Romania. Romania and its history lives in me.

I have all sorts of Romanian "palls" around me. Most  - even those who have lived here many more years than they lived in Romania - still call themselves "Romanians", first (and "Americans", second). I do know those few who think they are "different than the other Romanians".
To them I say: you are who you feel you are. But if you don't have a sense of your own identity anymore, the only thing you can be is: LOST.

Denisa

Do you understand love?

Do you understand love?
'Cause I can't really get a grasp on it...
Do you know what makes this heart beat?
What made me fall in love and never quit?

I finally get up each time I'm hit
And any new beginning feels unfit
It seems unfair to hope, and give and tame
Just to fall down in pieces once again.

I do things that I never thought I'd do,
And secretly I fear it's "too good to be true";
I can't stop thinking of the way it felt
Each time you kissed me, held me, made me melt.

We wrote the story of an unfair war
That history will never note us for
And after all the drama and the clash
Thought we were strong enough to rise from ash.

How does it come so easily to you
To not care about (all the) things I do for you?
I never thought I'd ever want to learn
To be immune to you and to say "No"
Yet, here I am forgotten and confused
It's hard to fight the feeling I’ve been used.

For all the wasted moments left it seems
Are only memories and hopeless dreams.
You were the one who, once, showed me the way
To happiness and love in every way.
I trusted you and made you all that mattered,
Longed for you like a child who's seeking shelter.

We wrote the story of an unfair war
That history will never note us for
And after all the drama and the clash
Thought we were strong enough to rise from ash.

I'm ready to forgive cause I am lost
And wandering the streets like I'm ghost.
With you I had a purpose, life made sense
Now everything is empty, left to chance.
 
 Who are the lucky ones who find their mate?
I'm just a casualty of love and hate.
I carry all the heartbreak in my heart
And hope I'll manage not to fall apart.

I loved you like I never thought I'd do...
You weren't meant to be the one I'd fall prey to;
I had an empty gaze, hands at my chest
When your eyes pierced into mine as you left.

We wrote the story of an unfair war
That history will never note us for
And after all the drama and the clash
Thought we were strong enough to rise from ash(es).

Denisa Dobrin - February 15, 2012

Inspired by (and dedicated to) Hooman Vassef. 
Sometimes, all one can do is love, even if they are not loved in return.

Child of this world

I'm the lonely, sad child

Of this cynical world

Where the love demands payment

And true friendship is gone.

Often I wonder why people are cold

As I feel myself turning 

Piece by piece into stone

Setting aside who I am for a dream,

That I'm not even wanting,

But somehow fits some need…

Wish I lived for myself, 

Not for somebody else;

But I'm eager for love,

Some acceptance of sorts

Watching these people all around me

Some who will friend me,

Some who will be mean...

Do I just close my heart to avoid all the pain?

It's so random what happens,

The stories we live...

Yet it's all set in order 

And we know how it ends.

May it be bliss and glory

Or heartache, or hate,

We're all acting this story,

Play our part ‘till the end.

I'm the one that is dragging

I'm the one that breaks loose

I'm the one that can't stand this

I'm the one that feels used

Do we all treasure drama?

Love as much as we hate?

I feel distant and major

I'm above and beyond

As I look down the coldness 

Of some ignorant Gods

They are ants that had power,

Puppeteers of my soul,

For I granted them wisdom

Made them feel they’re above;

I allowed them to rule me

Shared with them all I'm worth.

I'm the cynical  child 

Of this lonely, sad world.

                                    (Denisa Dobrin) 11/1/2011

"Cave man" vs. "smart"

The primitive people were so much smarter! Unlike us, they knew that life was not about ego toping survival. Sure, there were the “Alfa males” and the “mother figures” of the tribe… But if there ever was a danger, the tribe was united as one; survival came first. Unity meant surviving. The animal instinct of self preservation and growth of your own species trumped everything.

In contrast, today is more and more about independence; making it on your own. Getting help from others, making it “together”, or showing that you do have weaknesses… means basically giving everyone else a free pass to “devouring” you. We sham our own nations and adopt others; we reject our own history, or even worse, show absolutely no interest in it… We turn the “we” into “I” and, governed by the fear of failing, we safeguard ourselves to the point of loneliness. We lost the meaning of success in life. They say “it’s lonely at the top”; well, it makes sense it would be. When you use your friends as stepping stones and keep moving “up” fully knowing that you need to leave all that means something to you behind in order to “move on” and “move forward”, you get to that point of no return were you do achieve everything you dreamed of. You can do anything; you have done everything. But you take a step back and then hit that MOMENT. That one moment when you realize that none of it matters. It’s all fake. You are actually alone and misunderstood by all those who are so sure they “get you”. You truly are…“independent”; suspended above all and nothing, everyone and everything. Without a family, or unity, or love…there’s nothing. A lonely life is an equation that makes no sense and has no purpose. Independence is only good in moderate doses; as is ego; as is creative madness.

The idea of “family”, of working TOGETHER towards a common goal, seems gone today. The unity is broken for the sake of individuality. The ego trumps the survival instinct. We lost our meaning; our fight for something meaningful. Sometimes, life is meant to be simple; simple joys, simple and random acts of kindness towards someone you barely know… Sometimes life should not be a struggle. And that is the main difference between happy and miserable. No wonder every other person needs a shrink. We went from grooming or growing up with a friend to paying someone to listen to us and pretend to be our friend for an hour every other week. That is the problem right there! Today we have everything, except … we forgot about friendship and unity and holding on through better or worse.

The primitive people were so much smarter! They instinctively knew that life was meant to be simple; life was meant to be lived.

By Denisa Dobrin (December 7, 2011)